As I secretly celebrate my 5th year of sobriety I feel the need to express how I have managed to do so on my own, my thoughts, and my feelings and how I have been sober without AA. This is not slamming or slandering AA I have used some of their beliefs and know if you work it it works. However individuals are unique and there is no universal cure for Alcoholics, no pill, sometimes no amount of jail time that will stop someone from drinking. With that said what I have used and applied is... " I don't want to drink "
If you have a problem or have had one there are needs "I need a drink" and wants "I want to go out have a good time"... My last story of drinking ends with me having a lot of time to myself and reflecting...
Who were friends and who were "Drinking Buddies"
Who was I...Was I liked because " I drank and I encouraged fun times "
What was I accomplishing?
Where was my life was at the moment
Where was my life would be if I did not drink
When was this going to stop...there was no end in sight
Why I did drink...Why Should I quit
That I could continue down the path I traveled where would I end up...what would be the end result
I was emotionally shot and financially living paycheck to paycheck
How drinking has affected generations upon generations of my family
My one or two glasses of Wine at night before bed were slowing increasing with my tolerance. My drinking episodes ended with 3 dollars in my pocket every morning (a mixed drink 5.00-8.00 a beer 4.00). I had a lot going on in my life and I had lost control of everything... I worked in the financial market and at nightclubs. Money and access to people living the same type of lifestyle was always easy to find. But it came to an abrupt halt. With time on my hand I began reflecting...on the questions above. And 6 months later when finally faced with the option and ability to begin drinking I had a decision to make...and a quick one...and I refused to drink.
Instead of the nightly drink before bed I began meditation, I read the book "No Matter where you go there you are." I explored natural healing and essential oils...Lavender, Yling Ylang, Tea Tree, Clary Sage, All have chemicals that are very relaxing. I began to educate myself and I thought about AA...
I know many clean and sober and to mean the mind of someone clean is so much easier to talk to and I enjoy talking to them there is no "B.S." no lies no deception... There is not a need to. Someone using or drinking nearly always lies for their guilt overpowers their own morals so when around someone who cares for them they tend to make up stories to hide their using. Also their stories of getting "so Fxxked Up" were becoming the same stories just different people using the same substance having similar results.
But for me AA was a lot of work....The AA members I met and grew up around were so consumed with going to meetings, Trying to stay sober, working on staying sober, making up for missed meetings, relapsing, diseased with alcoholism, exposed to stories I chose not to hear, It seemed like they were replacing their "alcohol Addiction" for and AA lifestyle It just did not seem fun to me.
For a while I debated all my options as I continued working on trying not to drink, trying to stay sober, picturing how my life would change. I would turn into a boring party pooper that didn't drink. I remembered all the people I went out with all the fun we had all the crazy times. And then I remembered the results of those nights and I remembered that people wanted to hang out with me after work because I was fun to hang around with at work while I was Sober and going out only brought chaos and insanity. And the people I was continuing to hang out with were attracted to chaotic insane environments. That if I stayed the same at nite as I was during the day maybe my nights would not end with the results I received previously and that people would have good times and fun times as opposed to stories that would shock and awe people in the morning.
One day it hit me and I came to the realization... " I just don't wanna drink anymore" and that's it no more no less.
There are no classes needed for this there is no school no work. I thought and fought with can't for as long time before this... I can't drink = I am not allowed to drink = I have to stay sober...It's all the same the thought patterns seem more like a punishment, It was not the way I wanted to live. I just retrained my thinking and feelings to not wanting to do so. Eventually time went on and my life went on. When asked why I chose to stop and how I stop I just simply tell them a quote I learned from Sandra Bullock's movie 28 Days a movie on intervention, treatment, and rehab. After doing some soul searching of her own she simply stated "I have enough stories" and that applies to myself too. Has it been easy no... have I been tempted... yes. My first cookout I was offered and approached repeatedly to some heavy partiers on having some Jell-O Shots and some Mojitos (Bacardi was my favorite). I simply stated no thank you and asked for some Coke...His reply to me was..." this ain't that kind of party " my reply was no Jimmie some Cola. A laugh was had I grabbed a soda, the night continued, and I did not want to drink anymore.
Today I enjoy yard work, going to the beach, and working on the home. I find enjoyment in music, tv and sports when home. When out I have used comedy shows and live entertainment ( good bands and good music ) as a fun way for me to go and have some stimulation. I enjoy poker games and I like to have people come to gatherings enjoy them selves and drink. Instead of drinking I like preparing food and barbecuing as it tends to keep me busy and keeps guests full and enjoying themselves. When out I tend to drive and allow people to get as crazy as they feel the need to and just make sure they get home safely DD if needed, I do not look down on people that drink if I could maintain myself I would have probably enjoyed it a bit longer but that part of my life is now over. I am always here to offer advice for someone asking for it and the first question I usually ask is " Do you still want to drink" If I hear them say "I Can't Drink anymore " I simply give them the advice " when you don't want to drink anymore you won't " and I begin to help them retrain their thinking patterns as to what has helped me. The enjoyment I have with close friends is on another level than it ever was when I was drinking these are friends who accept me as I am. My sober self and I want it like that...I don't wanna drink anymore.
What I have learned is what no one person or one organization has the cure all to help someone quit drinking... I draw from every available resource apply techniques. AA has blessed me with the serenity prayer...
God Grant me...
the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change
the Courage to change the things I can
and the Wisdom to know the difference
and I thank them for that....If you have found this article at all helpful please respond to Ronnie1776@hotmail.com
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